Of Being a Lonewolf and Choral Singer

Hello Lovelies,

How are all of you this bright Saturday? It is actually getting dark where I am at really. It might already be night when I come around to posting this anyway, but in some parts of the world, Saturday is just starting. 

I have this hate for my own voice that I have come to like recently. When I was a tiny little girl, my mom likes to say that my singing voice sounds like a person talking instead of singing. I do not know whether she really meant it back then or was it just a thing she would say to get me to shut up. What I know is that, because of that particular line, I hated (past tense) my voice to a point that I do not even like talking except for when I am with my friends. 

So when I have found my partial independent (mind you I was 23 by this point), I like humming and going to musicals. I Iike to mock my friends and I like the musical bits of comedy especially those like once that was done in “Whose Line is it Anyway?”. 

Though it was not about 2 years a later that I found this choral singing group of all ages. I love them. I love the teacher and I love the way he never say a negative thing about any of the singers. He would ask us to lover, heighten our tone, but he never say we are wrong. He would just correct us when ever is needed. Oh well, I know that I will never have a voice like Celine Dion or Mariah Carey, but at least I could enjoy my own voice in the bath. Not in the karaoke yet though… That will need a little more time. 

One of the reason I like the choral singing is that my voice is not as loud. At least I don’t think it is. And singing in a group means that when I make a mistake or when my voice could not reach a certain note there is someone else to back me up for that. And I don’t only listen to my voice though at times I do like to do that just to see how I sound like (by this I mean blocking one side of my ear so I can hear the amplified version of my voice) and cringe from time to time. Though there are time I do like the sound of my voice. 

So that’s my little happiness for the day.

A little bit about this morning that I should have posted earlier but did not. Earlier this morning just before I went to bed, right after I posted the last entry, there was a mid range earth quake in Japan. It was a weak 5 point something magnitude. At least that was what was reported in the Yahoo earth alert and the alert that was fixed to my phone. Yes, in Japan If there is an earthquake, you have the option of getting the alert on your phone at an extra cost. The alert will only sound if the earthquake is above 4.5 in magnitude though. 

I was already almost sleeping and it was right after I pressed the publish button as well. It was just a soft rumble and it was quite nice really, then it grew and actually made my kitty rangers to commit suicide (I have a set of hello kitty called kitty rangers on my top shelf and 4 out of 7 of them fell) . But it was only a weak 5 point something magnitude, so it was nothing to worry about. But what a shake just before snoozing. Though because of the initial rumble, I was kind of expecting a longer and stronger quake or a few quakes. But everything was fine and bright after, so I am thankful for that.

Anyways, if you are reading this, I would love to get suggestion on what do you want me to talk about on this particular blog. Or I should keep it as it is? 



P/S: I’m writing this on a tablet and auto correct is super annoying. 

Of Backdrops and Contents

Hello Lovelies,

How are you all doing on the fifth day? Better than me I hope. Confused and conflicted. That’s where I am now. But, life is about failing, finding out before discovering what is good right. So, I’m going to try this multiple blogs first and if it gets too much for me or too much hassle for the readers, I will then merge everything on one page. For now, clickable links are all up in the menu box. And links to my social medias are up there as well.

What do you think?

Does this layout suits me?

As inconsistent as I am, I am still trying to keep up with this being a daily blog even though I have nothing much to say nor anything that I think is remotely interesting happening in my life usually. But who knows, my mediocre boring of a hobby might just be interesting to others. And maybe, help in certain ways.

Today’s theme is “Love your Theme”. I would not say I love it, but I think this one works the best for me so far and the colour is bright and happy. And I like that. I have yet to do the layout for the other blogs I own, but I would like to think that this site would be the most funky because this is my main page.

As you can obviously see, my post today is quite late. Though technically it’s still the 11th there in the US, it’s actually early in the morning here in Japan. Let me clear this up before any speculations. Being a PhD student is not as hard as you see my life is. I would think that many other student would not have to stay as late as I would and some does. Depending on the project, you are working on, and how great you are at managing time, some could even stay shorter hours. And I’m not the greatest at managing time and my project does require for me to stay overnight from time to time. Not all the time, just when it is really needed.

So it’s almost 6 am as I am writing this and my eyes is really getting heavy as I am typing. But before I end my post, et us just take a moment and remember those who lost their life in the fight to safe the injured and those who were trapped in the World trade centre 14 years ago.

It has been 14 years. How time flies when you are living. 14 years ago I witness the tragic even, frozen and shocked. My teacher pulled me away to safety, but the stench of the burning city in front of me will be a scar to remind me that I am lucky to be alive today.

For those who lost their life in the tragic even of September 11, may their soul rest in peace.



Of Playing Catch up and Finding out

Hello Lovelies,

Apologies for not writing as much yesterday and I will just randomly pick a few pages today to comment and to just blog walk. Yesterday’s task was to Greet at least five of our neighbours and reply to one that response to ours. Of which I usually does. Comment on my page and I will yours too.

That’s not the only catch up I have to do though. I am also in Writing 101 and unlike Blogging 101, that one takes a little more time to compose and to edit than this one. And, me being me, I have yet to start. But before I start on that, let me just sort todays assignment on Blogging 101 first. Finish one by one, because that is my style… Not really. I work on a few projects at once usually. But because of mental blocks and life outside not he blogging world, in which takes me away from he computer usually, I could not compose much yesterday and today.

Anyways, before I move on towards who my target audiences are (avoiding this actually), let me just clarify of why I was not able to do much yesterday and today. People who are close to me would know that I am directing a little play of 20 minutes and will be presenting my first poem on the 20th of this month. I have self issues that I have to work out and I am trying slowly, but I am still not very comfortable on stage yet. So, what I did was I had a friend played the hammered dulcimer and another friend who is also my actor to voice my poem and just mix them to a video. In a way its a collaboration effort. *Smiles cheekily.

Today, for half a day I was sitting in a room with people practically all over the world and then went on to present or more like a face for my country (Malaysia which I do not and do consider my home country which I will explain sometime in later entry) and did nothing. It was a little waste of time but it was nice to know there was a lot of them from my own uni and we are really diverse.

(Picture from animeanime.biz – page is in Japanese)

Now on to the task at hand. Who will be my target audience? I honestly do not have a glint of an idea at all. In my mind, well in the plan that I have crafted in my mind is that this page would be my main page where I ramble and rant and whine and just say anything on my mind. I am a whiny teen in a young adult body with a mind of a spoilt child. I have another word press which is dedicated only for creative writing (Writing 101 page), a page for reviews and rants (gossip and fashion rants) and another which is still in planning is about my adventures and solo travels that I plan to do.

Here is where I actually need a lot of help. Should I just combine everything on one page or should I break it as I am doing right now? After this Blogging U ends, I will find a way to link all these other sites or maybe merge it? I have yet to make a decision on that. What do you think? Should I merge or have separate blogs and just link them here? Any comment and any suggestion is welcome.

Help… please and thank you…



Of Bumps and Pauses

Hello Lovelies,

It’s only day three and I already have a little bump on route of this course. I was too caught up with other work and especially research, I did not even have the time to glance at today’s assignment. I will however try to catch up as soon as possible.

Also I apologise for this very short up date. Will write more soon and keep you all updated.



Of Isolation and Sharing

Hello Lovelies,

For now I cannot get enough of writing. Believe me this might not last long. Started off because I wanted to start a new, a proper blog and because I wanted to join Blogging U for training, somehow sparked my need to write again. By writing I mean rambling.

Here’s the thing. when I am bathed with studies and research, it is then when I usually get an idea to write. Like right now, I am trying to write a scientific paper, at the same time I am directing a min play (20 minutes play) and also trying to finish my book that I have kept in the hard disk since i was 15 (yes, back when computer was a luxury and not a necessity) years old.

At the same time I am also intrigue to begin my YouTube channel, but am too self conscious and too wimpy to even do it. Even if I do make a channel, I am not sure what the channel should be about. I could do about local hang outs in Japan as a foreigner or I can do a chatty video or even reading some poems or something like that. Then again, I will spend countless hours just to edit the piece and re-shooting because I would think I look to rounded or my voice would break half way or even i would look too dark in the picture.

Again, it’s about self confidence, of which I am good at giving advice to peers and juniors but not to myself. The great thing about writing is that you can hide behind the words and not show who you are. Your personality might seep out a little if you are not careful or if you are trying to show it to others but at the same time you are more than capable to completely be someone you are not.

For now I am just looking forward to build my blog, and find my way around this forest of the magical unknown. I would love it if you could support in one way or another.


Of Headers and Everything in Between


Hello Lovelies,

Today’s assignment is to mend (I would not say change because I know not everyone changes or re-do) the title of the blog and the tag line. So I was thinking. My nickname is Bynks (Truth, it was Jar Jar Binks, I drop Jar Jar and stylised i to y so became Bynks) of which, not in this post but I will tell the reason behind it someday. Like I said I was thinking of making it match the initial address of this blog which was bynksbegin.

Considering and sleeping on it for a night, I was thinking of making this blog a ranty ones and a more permanent blog for me. I might not be writing a new post every day as I will try to do in the course of this month but I will make this blog as my more permanent one. I might import my older files from my older blog or just link them here, that I still have yet to decide. 

Also I am planning to start doing reviews again. It might not be in this month and that will definitely be imported from my old blog with much edits and more filters. Because every time I re-read the old reviews and rants I did, I would cringe in fear knowing the person I was. I’m obsessive and when I like something, at times, I could not find fault at all with the matter and/or matter related to that matter. In simple terms I’m an obsessive fangirl.

Although, I do love the name I used to use. And I do still like Red lipstick (but I could not wear them as much as I wanted). The reason I come to use more of my nickname and pen name was because of simply reasoning. Red lipstick represent a theme. A theme that I am not at all good at. It represent cosmetics and things related to cosmetics. I’m not a make-up guru and I rarely, almost never do any review about cosmetics.

Then again, came to think about it, red lips also represents playfulness, youthfulness and is a very vibrant colour. So why not? Why not use it back. Why not take comfort in the fact that I am still the playful youth inside.


Cáit aka GwRL

P/S: Do check out my sister page dedicated to creative writing: Cait Writes

Begin Again

Hello Lovelies,

First of all, thank you. Thank you for taking a minute off in your schedule, busy or not, to look at my blog. This very simple, beginner blog. This is my first WordPress blog.

First of all most of you might already know this because maybe you found this blog from the Writing 101/Blogging 101 site from WordPress. If so; Hello and nice to be apart of this daily practice.

If you are not from there and from my social sites, let me explain a few things. Firstly, this might either bore you or enlighten you. This will be just an introduction about me. I am currently enrolled in a Blogging U by WordPress to practice writing and to restart blogging again. This would be a site that I write more like a diary rather than my usual poems and reviews thing. This is a practice site and a place for me to start with a clean slate…

Who am I?

I am a student, I’m an aspiring author, a poet and an artist. At least I am trying to be one. By trying I mean by pushing myself to break out of my shell and try new things like directing a small play and joining a small production in a foreign country as a foreigner (outsider) in a community for foreigner.

My dream in writing is that I want to reach out and show people my craft, but (I know this is a very childish excuse) I have super low esteem and I do not really like my own craft to the point of not posting them because I would edit them a million times and then keep it in the draft section to collect dust and just be deleted.

I have not decided on what my blog will be about or what direction it will take. I might want to make this one a little rambling site, more wordy and more personal like an open diary that I would share and there maybe a sister site that I will make to just focus more on the writing. Maybe. We’ll see how this next hour goes.

I would like to have this blog as a personal blog and also a place to share thoughts and the inspiration for the things that I might write for the other site. Or this site might just solely be dedicated for this specific Blogging U exercises. I have not decided yet.

Why did I join Writing 101 and Blogging 101?

I am a student of science and apart from writing thesis and scientific papers, I do not have much opportunity to express myself as I want to. I do take to blogging my poems and I usually take part in things like Poem a day in Poetry month (April by Writer’s Digest) and usually I would last a week and after not getting any feed back, I would just give up.

Firstly I going these practice is to:

1) Since I see this as an assignment, I would stick to it more

2) Hopefully I would get some peers and would get some feedback.

3) Since I know there will be people monitoring me, I would be pressured to do it and take it to the end of the race.

And finally, I have to admit,

4) I would like to get more people to read my craft.

Hopefully I would stick to this blog, for the next month and the months after that.




I did make a sister blog to this one:
Cáit’s Writing